Man-up, Mama

This is actually the car his dad helped him make

I'm happy to announce that I'm so busy with freelance work this week (let's pause for a moment while I do the happy dance), that I'm pulling from the Post Register archives for this post.  This was actually written while in the throes of preparing to move and sell my house over six months ago.  Sheesh, I'm so glad THAT is over (well, mostly over). 

As much as I fail at being a girl, I’m even worse at being a guy and completely clueless about being a boy scout.  Let me explain.

I am a single mother outnumbered by the children in my home.  There is no man of the house, which means there’s no Honey-Do list.  Which means that when the wax ring on my toilet needs replacing, I Google for instructions.  And while I’m all about I-am-woman-hear-me-roar, when I get to the step that says, “Lift and remove the toilet,” I’m stumped.  The sexes are equal in theory but at that point my biceps are unequal in reality.  

And let’s just be honest, my man-skills are also lacking.  Or should I say my handy-person skills?  I’d like be to all empowered and tell you that I can wield a Craftsman Impact Driver with the best of them, but I can’t.  In fact, I had to Google to even find the name of that power tool.

The good news is that I’ve survived nearly three manless years.  Yes, I need light fixtures replaced, floors refinished, a new doohickey for one of the switches in my electric fuse box and a kitchen sink installed.  (By the way, I Googled “doohickey” and discovered that many of you are wondering, “Do hickeys cause cancer?”  Considering my current status, I’m happy to say that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.)

So my house is slightly dilapidated.  Which wouldn’t be a problem if I weren’t planning to put my house on the market.  And it definitely wouldn’t be a problem if I could woo a man to help me out.  But those of you that have been reading this column for more than, say, one month know that I woo about as well as I wield a power tool.  That and my hair is permanently embedded in a plastic clippie.  Not much of a man draw.

All that aside, I have a boy scout that needs her mommy to man-up.  The last two weeks we’ve focused all our attention on what needs to be completed in order for him to earn his wolf badge only to discover that we also need to prepare a car for the Pinewood Derby.  Remember that Craftsman Impact Driver I don’t know how to use?  Hence my dilemma.

Luckily the nice fellows at Rocknak’s Hardware Plus have promised to walk us through the whole Pinewood Derby experience, demonstrating how to use all their power tools, bespeckled with some attractive safety goggles, no doubt.  These guys are a single mother’s dream.  I just might have to surrender my hair clippie for the occasion.

And since I’m issuing shout-outs, I have to publically thank the attendant at Ace Hardware for taking me and my son on a tour of the tool isle in order to pass off requirement 5a of the Wolf Trail.  Turns out there are a number of fine men out there that need no wooing to turn a good deed.

Hhm.   Maybe I should see if there’s a wax ring replacement buried somewhere in the scouting requirements.  Or a Honey-Do list trail.