No, I'm Not Dead

Sheesh, one entire month is even a record for me. But it’s been a month full of freelance, two roadtrips (one with, one without children), a sickness (recycled), a post-winter snowstorm in which I cursed the heavens and was cursed in return, a dead laptop (see?), a new and improved laptop, the termination of cable, the panic attack following the termination of cable, a revived Diet Coke addiction, and Spring Break (in which my children were reunited for much fighting and chaos—it’s amazing how many hours are in a school day).

Thanks so much to everyone who posted, emailed, or called wondering if I were 1) dead or 2) a recent winner of the lottery (thanks, Karen!). I’m neither. But for awhile I was too depressed or distracted to blog; I’m still uncertain which it was.

But here I am, enjoying a nice break with the kids at my parents’, eating fine food (thanks, mom), getting my taxes done (thanks, dad) and bingeing on cable (dare I say, “High School Reunion” and “Rock of Love 2”?). The twins are doing fabulously and my baby brother’s engaged. I’ve also had my hair cut and colored and spent some quality time scrapbooking with Kristi O (Kristi, you’re a hoot! It was great to meet a bloggy friend in person, along with her beautiful daughter and fun friends).

So I’m hoping that this post helps me kick the blawgs I’ve been feeling lately. Anyone else ever get them?

A Rose by Any Other Name Still Smells Better Than Cat Puke

Is it just me or do all moms test far too many things with their noses throughout the course of the day? Just yesterday I sniffed at the milk to see if it had turned, checked some bed sheets to see if I could smell pee, followed a nasty trail to the basement where our cat had gotten sick, sniffed through a pile of clothes to see if they were dirty, and tracked down my son’s moldy snow boots. (Picture me, the ginormous nose with a Sherlock Holmes cap on top…)

Was it pregnancy that heightened my sense of smell? I can root out the one poopy child in a room of twenty. I can find that one (okay, maybe two...all right...three!) rotten Tupperware containers at the back of my frig. I can walk into a room and within seconds drop to my knees in search of an accosting odor. (This superpower only seems to have two loopholes: one, all raw meat smells bad to me, and two, I cannot find whatever has crawled into the back of my minivan to die, regardless of two excavations and countless Lysol interventions).

I just wonder why I continue to bring suspicious item after suspicious item under my nose to smell it? If it’s suspicious in the first place, shouldn’t I keep it away from my face? If the underpants MAY smell like pee, isn’t it worth the extra detergent to forgo the sniff test?

You know, I learned this from my mother. But at least I didn’t acquire my father’s talent. The Taster. I know, that sounds much more appealing than The Sniffer, but imagine if you will the following conversation from my youth:

Mom: [smelling the milk] Ralph, will you taste this? It smells bad.
Dad: [Drinking the milk.] Yep. It’s bad.

That’s my dad. Keeping the rest of us safe from the sour milk of the world. Me? I’m just exercising the soiled sheets and cat puke from my house.

It’s a tough job. But somebody’s gotta smell it (hahahaha. Get it? I crack myself up sometimes…)

I Heart Like-a-Star

Some people are on the ball, I tell ya. But boy am I glad Like-a-Star is one of them because she just made my day.

I signed up for GustoGirl's Easter swap and got my gift today. And look at what Rachel, aka Like-a-Star, sent me:

Included:

• An adorable apron
• A calendar
• Easter candy
• Egg-shaped sidewalk chalk (Leah is going to be estatic!)
• A "spring" decoration
• An egg-decorating stamp kit

I know! Not only is Rachel punctual, but she totally went over the 5-item limit. I heart you Like-a-Star. Now I'm totally excited to get my Easter Swap package in the mail today. (Thanks, GustoGirl for coordinating the whole thing). Isn't the blogosphere fabulous?!