Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Law of Distraction

I am rich.

I am thin.

I am fabulous.

Those are affirmations intended to make me, well, rich, thin and fabulous. I say them every day. The Law of Attraction tells me my life is a reflection of my thoughts so lately I’ve been thinking very generously. From what I hear the Universe will honor my positive thoughts and return all good things to me. Like this: my children are freakishly well-behaved.

But I’ve decided that another Law exists, and it needs some attention. It’s called the Law of Distraction and it goes something like this: if you think one itsy bitsy negative thought, the Universe will multiply that thought by the number of children you have and return it to you. Hence, the last time we went to Sonic, all three of my children spilled their fry sauce in the back seat of the van.

And that’s not the first time the Law of Distraction has manifested in my life.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s imagine you go to an important event, like, say, a wedding reception. Let’s say you’re alone with your children and they’re all acting out. Let’s say a timeout in an isolated classroom at the church doesn’t work so you take your children to the car, threatening to leave. Let’s say all your children lock you out of your car so you can’t get back in.

What happens next? Well, let’s break it down. You have three children. For the last two hours you’ve had very bad, bad thoughts. It’s obvious. The car alarm goes off, alerting the entire wedding party that you are a horrible mother. In addition, it takes 30 minutes to coax your oldest child from his seat to unlock the door that disengages the car alarm and allows you to make a getaway.

3 children x bad thoughts = embarrassing public event

Thus I’m trying to think positive, affirming thoughts as much as humanly possible. And it seems to be working. Aforementioned “hypothetical” event may or may not have occurred nearly three years ago. And I have yet to encounter another such monumental parenting mishap.

Unless, of course, you count that time we got locked in my sons’ bedroom this summer.

Okay, so I don’t know how the Universe works, but I’m going to pretend that it honors my positive thoughts. And yours.

So repeat after me, “I am enjoying this post more with each passing word.”

See? You’re enjoying this experience more already. Now go on with your positive self.


Gustogirl said...

Positive thinking does go a long way. Sometimes on particularly rough days, I repeat to myself,"I love my kids, I love my kids", just to be reminded so I don't completely go postal on them.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I hate it when the kids gang up on me.

Tari said...

You must have read The Secret. I'm still trying those postive thoughts but I'm not sure I'm seeing the results....I am thin and beautiful, I am a perfect mother and wife, I am so so very happy!
yea still not sure it's working.

Crazed Mom said...

Hi Sweetie! HUGS!

I have found, during my years of depression yaddayadda, when I think positively or at least neutrally things go much better. Maybe I am better at coping. I don't buy the Secret, but not expecting disaster every day works fairly well. :)

Mrs. Smith said...

Oh, I just love to hear about other people's child care foibles. It lets me know I am not alone on the child management short bus.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Love this and everything about this. Thanks for the laugh!

shawn said...

Ditch The Secret ... move on to Eckhart Tolle ... everything happens because it is WHAT happens ... meaning comes later ...

Sonic sauce was spilled because it was spilled ... the car alarm went off because it went off ... and you locked yourself IN the bedroom because you locked yourself in the bed room ... the positive was the opportunity to write about such misadventures and entertain your loyal readers who roll with laughter on each posting ...

There's NO negative in any of this ... just life as a single mom with three marvelous children who are keeping you busy ...

It's ALL Good from the locked doors to the annoyance of a car alarm ... tip toe into their rooms at night when they are sleeping and look at their cherub like faces and ask yourself where the negative is in THAT moment ... and everything gets back in balance !!

Thanks for sharing Shawna - you're the best!!

Rachel said...

oh man...that wedding thing must have been embarrassing! Hypothetically of course!

Melodrama Mama said...

I will take your three and add:
I am calm
I am cool
I am collected
I am patient
I am organized

My affirmation may take a while!

1blueshi1 said...

you made me laugh out loud with this post! "You are enjoying this post more and more with each word." God, I wish I'd thought of that one!
I am here via Eileen at A Life of Triggers; I recently took Hollis Gillespie's Shocking Real Life Writing Seminar in Atlanta and Eileen rec'd your blog to me as someone who writes, freelances, etc.
I am a person who makes a living by her writing instead of by selling her soul drop by drop to a soulless corporation that keeps her on a treadmill Michael Vick's dogs would be afraid to step onto...is it working yet? Perhaps I need a tattoo.

Eileen said...

I love this and so relate to it. Sadly, my good intentions at positive affirmations go out the window as soon as stress hits. Sort of defeats the point.

The wedding story made me laugh. You have enough material for an excellent book on parenting. I mean that in the best possible way.

Love the new photo of the kids, too cute!!


Annie said...

I need to apply this theory in my own life!

Anonymous said...

Hi Shauna,

We would like to see more pictures. Aunt Dana & myself would love to see more.

Hope all is well with you.

Angela & Dana

Tari said...

You have an award come and get it.

Nancy said...

So if we have three kids, will the universe multiply our good thoughts by three too?? I must give this a try!