Saturday, February 09, 2008

An Open Letter to Mother Nature

Generally I appreciate a woman with your spunk, but, Mother (if I can call you that), it’s time to give it up. From one woman who knows bitter, I’m not afraid to tell you, you’ve got a chip on your shoulder the size of the ice dams on my roof. Did somebody hurt you in a past season? Because I believe the gracious citizens of this fine state prefer you key a car or TP a house than continue with this icy behavior. You know what I’m saying?

And it’s not just me that’s noticed. There are the overworked snowplow guys. The mail carriers. And that poor girl down the street that walks to school. And did you know—it’s nearly impossible to buy a snow shovel. This is Idaho. We’re out of snow shovels in Idaho!

So on behalf of the entire state I’m leading your intervention. Winter must end. Enough with the subzero temperatures, and the school cancellations, and the one-two punch. It’s time another season got some press.

And although I’m not the only one you’ve assaulted, I’m registering my personal complaints, because, well, this is my letter. You’ve busted my pipes, compromised my metal roof joints, and left water stains on my bathroom ceiling. You should pay for that. And I don’t even want to know what will happen when it all starts melting.

I’ll be the first to suggest, Mother Nature, you need a timeout. Take a break. Go visit Bermuda, Bahama. Come on, pretty mama. Anywhere but here. We all need a need a little distance, and I’m guessing no one would complain if you gifted us with some mild weather in your absence. Boring weather. A slight chance of precipitation. Partly cloudy. Possible winds. You get my drift?

It’s time for you to go now. And don’t worry. We’re not banishing you forever. We really like winter. The chill, the snow flakes, the holiday festivities. It’s all good. Just don’t be so severe next year.

So we’ll see you next season, okay?

B-bye now. (And don’t forget to take that cold front with you.)

15 comments:

Eileen said...

Yeah! You go Shauna!! You are so funny, that I have tears in my eyes. Feels good to laugh like this, I forget how good it feels.

I know your not really back, back, but I am so glad to hear from you. I hope mother nature gets your message and moves her ass away from your house. (((HUG)))

Thinking of you. Hoping as the month goes on, life will be getting better for you and your cuties.
Take care.
XOXOXO

Karen (Pediascribe) said...

"You get my drift?"

MUHAHAHAHAHA! Nothin' like being punny with good ol' mother nature!

Life As I Know It said...

Yes! Ba-bye now M. Nature. We'll see you next year...I am so so so DONE with this winter and snow.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Send her on over here, please! We've got the sleds, we've got the ice melt, we've got the shovels - we've got everything but the snow...

Becky said...

AMEN....this weather is really cutting into my plans to send Matthew outside to burn off some energy. It is just so darn cold. Enough already.

Anonymous said...

Out of snow shovels? I have a suggestion. Get a four wheel drive pickup and just don't bother with shoveling. That's what we do. Just pack it down with a truck. :-) No shovelling. (I don't have sidewalks or I'd be guilted into shovelling them for the sake of the poor pedestrians.)

I LOVED your post. You, as Eileen said, so funny!!

Mary

Janice said...

Get lost mother 'freaking' nature! I am ready for my flip flops and shorts.

My husband had to get on the roof to chip off our ice that we had, I think in places it was about 8-10 inches, The water started to run into our house too.

Tola said...

it was 65* here on Wednesday. it totally felt like Hawaii, except without the salt smell. today it's snowing and blowing. hope your letter works, but if not, remember Idaho has been in a drought for decades. oh, and Punxatawny Phil said six more weeks of winter last week.

Candygirlflies said...

YEEEAAAHHHH!!

What SHE said!!

Knee strike!! Front kick!! Side kick!! KIAI!!!

(I've been taking lessons from the six-year-old... Take THAT Mother Nature!!)

xoxo CGF

MELODRAMA MAMA said...

Shauna!! So glad that your sabbatical was short lived! Last winter I was in the mountains of Utah where white out conditions were all to common. Now that we are in VA it's mostly just cold. Let's all move to southern CA!

linds said...

ha!

Today in the SLC it felt a little warmer. The sun is out and I even heard birds chirping.

Supposedly Wednesday will bring yet another storm! Darn.

Gustogirl said...

You are such a good writer! i love the way you express yourself! Sounds like horrible weather. At least we are on the upswing, at least I hope we are!! Hang in there!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

C'mon pretty mama - you got me with that one! LOL!

Rachel said...

So good to be reading you again...you take the worst of things and...well...make it funny. If I had half your talent.....

Nancy said...

So so so funny! This is my first visit to your blog and this will go on my 'read first' list from now on!