Generally I appreciate a woman with your spunk, but, Mother (if I can call you that), it’s time to give it up. From one woman who knows bitter, I’m not afraid to tell you, you’ve got a chip on your shoulder the size of the ice dams on my roof. Did somebody hurt you in a past season? Because I believe the gracious citizens of this fine state prefer you key a car or TP a house than continue with this icy behavior. You know what I’m saying?
And it’s not just me that’s noticed. There are the overworked snowplow guys. The mail carriers. And that poor girl down the street that walks to school. And did you know—it’s nearly impossible to buy a snow shovel. This is Idaho. We’re out of snow shovels in Idaho!
So on behalf of the entire state I’m leading your intervention. Winter must end. Enough with the subzero temperatures, and the school cancellations, and the one-two punch. It’s time another season got some press.
And although I’m not the only one you’ve assaulted, I’m registering my personal complaints, because, well, this is my letter. You’ve busted my pipes, compromised my metal roof joints, and left water stains on my bathroom ceiling. You should pay for that. And I don’t even want to know what will happen when it all starts melting.
I’ll be the first to suggest, Mother Nature, you need a timeout. Take a break. Go visit Bermuda, Bahama. Come on, pretty mama. Anywhere but here. We all need a need a little distance, and I’m guessing no one would complain if you gifted us with some mild weather in your absence. Boring weather. A slight chance of precipitation. Partly cloudy. Possible winds. You get my drift?
It’s time for you to go now. And don’t worry. We’re not banishing you forever. We really like winter. The chill, the snow flakes, the holiday festivities. It’s all good. Just don’t be so severe next year.
So we’ll see you next season, okay?
B-bye now. (And don’t forget to take that cold front with you.)