Thursday, November 08, 2007

You're Fired!

About three weeks ago I was unceremoniously fired from a job I’ve held for a little more than 6 years. I’ve never been fired before so, I admit, I took it personally. Unemployed, and from a volunteer position, no less. You know where I’m going with this. My three year old let me go.

Following an especially difficult trip to the grocery store, I was buckling a disgruntled Zack into his car seat when he informed me, “You’re fired, Mom!”

I was stunned, because really, where had he learned to say that? And then, shouldn’t he have warned me in some kind of formal performance review?

“So are you giving me two weeks’ notice or should I leave you here so you can call a Taxi?” I asked. He wasn’t amused. I continued my bitter monologue home. “Do you have someone in mind or are you just going to take this to the classifieds?” And then, “Remember to ask for someone who will wipe your tears, wipe your nose, and yes, wipe your bum. Not a very appealing job description. You may want to offer a salary with benefits.”

As I considered the untimely end of my career I couldn’t help but entertain my options. I could get a job where I only had to work 40 hours a week, where I could clock out at 5, catch a movie on the way home and then, well, go to bed. I could pursue more exciting avenues like becoming a secret agent or working at a waffle factory. Imagine, all those hours I would get paid for working.

But those thoughts were dashed the next morning when Zack came in to wake me up at 6:30.

“Mom,” he said. “I hungwee for beckfast.”

“But you fired me,” I said. “Last night. Remember?”

“Mooooooom,” he said, pulling on my sleeve. “It’s time to wake up.”

Employers these days can be so fickle. Especially when they’re not potty trained.

So I’m back on duty, full-time and uncompensated – well, at least with anything my bank will allow me to deposit. And there are perks. I can wear slippers to work. I get to go to the park a lot. My employer sometimes shares his Halloween dividends with me. And while it may be considered inappropriate in a more traditional work environment—the boss gives me lots of wet, sloppy kisses.

It’s a sweet job, really.

14 comments:

Eileen said...

You can't beat those wet, sloppy kisses. With perks like that, I don't see how you have any other choice, but to stay on. He's a tough boss, but a keeper, for sure!
XOXO

shawn said...

Gee, can we trade bosses???
My "boss" is in the process of firing me, and I doubt there will be a reprieve for me ...

glad to hear your little boss hired you back ... guess you'll be towing the line now eh??!!

Becky said...

Love it.....I think Zack and my Matthew would be fast-friends....OR partners-in-crime.

I have been "fired" a few times too....funny thing...we always get our job back, don't we?

Gotta lov' um!

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I have been away for a while but I like the look of your site!! I'm glad to see you are back...I missed reading about you and the kids. Stay strong. Love ya, jen

Gustogirl said...

Love the new look! Very posh! Such a cute story. I love the way you write. Kids can just melt our hearts with the simplest of actions can't they? I haven't been fired yet, or told that I am hated, but I am sure that will come!

suburbancorrespondent said...

Sometimes, I wish my kids would fire me. Then I could just sit around eating bonbons and doing crossword puzzles all day. When I'm not knitting, that is.

Mama Zen said...

Awww, this is cute! You know, I've been fired too, but I never seemed to get to settle into the life of leisure that I immediately imagined!

Erin said...

Sometimes I quit but then the guilt comes and I have to go and beg for my job back---no fun! I haven't been fired yet, I don't think. If they weren't so cute sometimes...

Karen (Pediascribe) said...

Very sweet post!!

My teenage daughter has fired me on several occasions. But seeing as mom and dad are the ones who pay for her Disney trips, she keeps re-hiring us. ;)

LikeAstaR said...

I think that I would be a bit bitter as well. I mean.. we moms work so hard.. I know this day is fast approaching in my job. I am glad he had a cahnge of heart.. or stomach. PS-- love the new look!

Gustogirl said...

Are you glad you started blogher ads? Have they been worth it? Is there really any money to be made?

shauna said...

suburbancorrespondent--Now maybe if I'd thought about the bonbons (I can't knit) I might have held out for a sabbatical or something.

shawn, I'd trade you for awhile. But I have to be honest--teenagers scare me, in a very Freddy Krugar kind of way.

Rachel said...

I so didn't see that coming...this was so funny! I have not been fired yet but I have been traded for another mom...I guess that could be likened to being traded to another team.
...when your boss is not potty trained....very cute!

Bananas said...

I'm glad I'm not alone... I was recently fired too. I wonder if we get worker's comp?