Monday, July 16, 2007

Why I’m a Bad Mother: Reason #10,572

My children have learned how to tell time. I know, I know. They’re brilliant. And they owe it all to me.

So let me explain how it works. I’ll say, “You can play video games for 30 minutes,” and Kaleb will say, “That’s one cartoon, right?” Or if I say, “You can play at the neighbor’s house for an hour and a half,” Leah will say, “That’s as long as one movie.” Yes, folks, my children measure time by segments of television viewing. And their skills are advanced. For instance, Kaleb knows that an hour and a half is equal to three cartoons or one movie, and two hours is equal to approximately one movie plus a cartoon. That’s at least fifth-grade math, wouldn’t you say? Wunderkind.

But least you think their brilliance ends there I must expound. Until about two months ago, Zack’s color mastery hinged on the Disney Cars characters. If you pointed to the color red, Zack would call it ‘Itning A-Queen.’ Blue was ‘Doc,’ green was ‘Chick,’ and purple was ‘Ramone.’ Yellow, orange, and brown didn’t even exist because, as far as Zack knew, there were no cars in the movie of those colors.

What would the American Association of Pediatrics say? They’re currently in the process of revoking my SuperMom status. I know, it’s a shame. But I’ll sacrifice a lot for my children’s education.

8 comments:

pinkmorning said...

thanks for the laugh. hey, kids learn a lot from tv, i attribute most of my knowlege of colors, shapes and household objects to "today's special"

loved that show...

Erin said...

My kids do the same thing! I say, do whatever works! And Sesame street taught Eli his letters--so there! People who say children under 3 shouldn't watch ANY TV? CRAZY!!!! and definitely not left alone with any under 3 year-olds for any length of time!

Kristi said...

I am dying over here! How funny. I am sure that my kids would agree that they go to school only after "Boy meets world is over" they have no clue what time the bus arrives just that its at that time. WOW! Guess I would have to relinquish my super powers as well. But let's not tell them.... they still think I am okay at times. ;)

Annie said...

LOVE IT!

Thanks for visiting my blog the other day - I'm off to explore more of yours.

Absolutely Bananas said...

ha ha, that's Funny right there! P.S. I ONLY like bad mothers.

Mama Zen said...

That's so funny! My daughter measures time as "one SpongeBob, two SpongeBobs . . ."

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Oh yes! I had to bow out of the Mother of the Year awards for my "excessive use" of TV as a babysitter.

Whatever.

LikeAstaR said...

I love it.. I guess it is the kid way of saying..." okay if I buy that 40 dollar pair of jeans that is like paying two months sewer bills." I guess theirs is just more fun...