Friday, July 06, 2007

Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed House-Frump

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’ve let myself go. Far. I’ve let myself go far into the frump.

At the peak of this slippery slope I was well-intentioned. I had babies attached to my breasts; I was surrounded by little people who loved me with or without good makeup and hair; and the only adults I “interacted” with were guests on Oprah and the Dr. Phil Show.

But my oldest is now six and I must admit that I’ve slid off the slope to land, belly-up, in the frumpy gully. It’s a sad day, folks. Can’t look away though, can you? It’s like a train wreck. With cellulite.

So here I am, a good 40 pounds over my marriage weight, frumpy as hell. I stopped wearing contacts years ago because something about pregnancy and childbirth dried my eyes out. And even after my good pair of glasses broke I didn’t look for something more attractive and less flimsy than the backup pair. My hair is long and limp, when once upon a time, it was highlighted and styled. Gone are the days when I used to “get ready” to go out. Most Sundays I end up at church with wet hair. And don’t even get me started on my wardrobe.

And you’re going public with this, you ask.

Yep. I’m comin’ out!

And this is why. Because I once (once, I said) knew Dr. Phil intimately (and by "intimately" I mean watched him everyday on TV), so I’m well aware that you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. This is my first step towards backing away from the frump to take better care of myself.

I think I realized just how frumpy I’d become when Leah informed me that the neighbor girl had said I was a “little fat.” My lovely daughter defended my honor and told me that she had said, in no uncertain terms, that her mommy is NOT fat. Bless her heart. I was flattered that the neighbor girl just said a little.

I submit to you exhibit A, a picture aforementioned neighbor girl drew of me earlier this week:

I’m the red one, by the way. Notice the two-distinct orbs? That would be where I carry the bulk of my weight: the boobs and mid-section (and by mid-section I mean everything between my head and ankles). For a 5-year old this neighbor girl is very perceptive. Although, I must admit, her picture isn’t to scale, for if I looked like that I wouldn’t be frumpy, I’d be Mae West or Marilyn Monroe. And I’d have an extra pair of arms. Or legs. I can’t tell which.

So there you have it—undeniable proof that I’ve let myself go to the dark side (where they have cookies. You’ve seen the t-shirt, right?).

But instead of reprimanding myself for my frumpiness and requiring an immediate diet and exercise regime, in this post I am pledging to take better care of myself. And in honor of Independence Day, I’ve thought of 6 ways to get a little pampering (when you have kids, pampering equates to freedom, right?). And here they are:

1. Watching a movie of my choice, uninterrupted, and all by my lonesome.
2. Shopping, sans chart (sans children).
3. Reading a book (at the moment I’m just 20 pages into Toni Morrison’s Love.)
4. Getting a nice cut and color (and not at Great Clips).
5. Enjoying a long, hot bath (while doing #3).
6. Talking forever with a good friend.

Only recently have I discovered how much better I parent when I take care of myself first (I know, I’m slow). So, in honor of my children, all those I care for, and myself, I pledge to celebrate me this week by getting a nice cut and color. Down with the frump!

Okay. I want to hear it. I know none of you are frumpy like me, but what woman doesn't deserve a little TLC? Are you willing to take the Pamper Pledge right here and now? How will you celebrate yourself this week? Follow through, ladies, I’m looking for follow through (and I know where you blog…)


Jenny said...

aaaahhhh!! that picture!!!! funny and horrifying, all rolled into one. I am a HUGE believer in making momma happy first. but sometimes I slip and ain't so good on the follow through. Great post!

Erin said...

I got some free time today and I came back much happier! What was my free time? I had to go to the Social Security Office to get a replacement card. How sad is that? I have found that I am much happier when I don't do all the work, and when I play with my kids a lot more. We played in the Sprinkler today and they soaked me in the pool...punks!

Anonymous said...

I must disagree... I am the queen of frumpiness. I attempt to hide it by getting my hair done frequently. I must say I do a good job @ that. In fact I just got my hair done Wednesday!! That is my treat to myself:) Denise Thanks for your post I loved it! I agree we need to celebrate/appreciate ourselves more.

Kristi said...

AMEN SISTA! At my store we have the SMART GIRLS CROP once a month, we believe that all girls are smart and they know they need a nite out with other girls each month. We are better mom's, wives and we need each other if we will set aside a little time for ourselves. Amazingly enough, our crop sells out each month, sometimes we poke fun at events like on Memorial Day we suggested "Smart Girls don't camp on Memorial day" I mean come on, in No. Idaho it snows in the mtns on Memorial Day and who wants to camp in the snow with small children. If you lived here we would insist you attended our monthly gathering complete with FAZZARI'S and chocolate!!! -Kristi

Gustogirl said...

We all need a little pampering. Good for you. I need to work on taking time out for me(other than blogging because I do that with one child on my lap most of the time!)

shauna said...

I should have listed 7 things because the Smart Girls Crop sounds fabulous! And I loooove to scrapbook. Before I go home next time I'll have to schedule it around one of those crops! Too fun!! (Complete with Fazzari's and chocolate? Are you sure you don't have to die to go, because it sounds like my kinda heaven!)

pinkmorning said...

i loved your post. i have vowed to spend more "me" time working out. i spent seventy minutes on the treadmill today, just me and my ipod and it was really nice...working full time(either as a mom or in the office) it is hard to make time for yourself. i am ready to commit...

Donna's Daughter said...

Oddly enough I read this post after my very first trip to a day spa. Congratulations on coming to the same conclusion I did, only several years earlier. I have been married and sliding "far into the frump" for 17 years this month!

Midwest Mommy said...

I need to make this pledge. I am afraid I am slowly turning into a frump. I am only 16 months into this thing they call mommyhood but better now then later :-)

Slackermommy said...

Rock on girl! I love, love this post! I got out of my frumpiness after my third child then a surprise pregnancy sent me back to the Land of Frump. I'm getting back on track now. I got a tummy tuck and new boobs (the quick and painful way to pull out of frumpiness), I get my hair cut more than once a year, buy some new clothes for every season, get an occasional massage or pedicure and put on makeup or at least lipstick every day. It's amazing how unfrumpy lipstick can make you feel! Now if I could just lose the 10 lbs I've put on since my surgery. I pledge to lose 10 lbs by Blogher.

LikeAstaR said...

I LOVE the post! Gone are the days when i could blame my belly on my son. He is now one, feeding himself, and almost walking, and I am still acting liek pregnancy was a week ago. I pledge to not feel guilty when I drop him off at the kids club at the gym for a work out session. He will be better off with a healthy mom, right?

shauna said...

Thanks, SlackerMommy! You're my role model. Oh...if I had the money I would have a full-body renovation. But that has to wait until after the new glasses, contacts, and wardrobe. :)

And Likastar, you enjoy that workout session! I'm sure JJ loves his healthy, Mamma!

Anonymous said...

I loved this post! I am so there - have been frumpy since Kaela (she's five) so I guess it's time to get myself back to the gym. I love the gym, I really do, but when I leave for work at 6:30 and don't get home until 5:30, I feel guilty leaving her again to go work out. I could walk, but that's boring. So I just eat cookies instead. Hence, Frumpiness. Sigh.

I will commit to do something fun for myself this week. Thank you for the challenge.


Pinks & Blues Girls said...

Oh my gosh, this post had me rolling on the floor! You are such a great writer.

That picture your neighbor friend drew... just classic! The poor thing has no idea what kind of firestorm she started with that! Haha! :)

Great pledge idea. I've got to say, with no human kids of my own (my kids are low-maintenance and of the four-legged variety), I do get a lot of time to myself. But everyone could use some good pampering now and then, right!?

Maybe I'll finally pledge to finish reading Persuasion this weekend (I've read it multiple times but I just can't get enough of it)!

Thanks for the idea!

Jane, P&B Girls

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

Well, did you follow through and get your hair syled? Do tell!!