If I were entrepreneurial minded, I would totally open a store specializing in gifts for unusual occasions. Like, when you need an I-told-you-so card for your mother after she paints the house Spicy Mustard. Or maybe a wedding gift for the cousin who once got you with the honey-on-the-toilet-seat gag.
For example, if someone had known that I would be meeting Mr. Charming’s ex wife and parents this past weekend, they could have gone to the aforementioned specialty shop to get me a refrigerator magnet, or, say, a box of chocolate-covered Valium.
As luck would have it, the weekend, completely unmedicated, was fairly uneventful. Unless, of course, you consider the Meet and Greet picnic where I was at a complete loss for words.
I know. Imagine that.
But whatever awkward silences may have existed were completely filled by my children, who are walking Hallmark cards. The following were said at some point over the three days we spent in Idaho Falls and may or may not have been overheard by other grownups:
Kaleb: I’m okay with having stepbrothers and sisters as long as we can play their video games.
Leah: [following an especially emotional good bye] People are always sad to see me go.
Zack: If you marry [Mr. Charming], would his ex wife be my step aunt?
Kaleb: I just want you to be happy. Oh, and it would be nice to play Dungeons & Dragons too.
Leah (and Mr. Charming’s youngest girl): Mom and [Mr. Charming] are dating and mating (which they continue to believe are synonymous terms, regardless of lessons emphasizing the contrary).
Zack: I think [Mr. Charming] is nice. I especially like all his Spiderman comics.
Zack: Mr. Charming’s ex wife is nice. Maybe even nicer than you.
Zack: Monkeys sometimes eat their own poop.
Zack: I either want to be a comic book artist or a mad scientist when I grow up.
Out of the mouths of babes, right?
The weekend, designed to serve multiple purposes, taught me three very important things:
- Always print map instructions before heading back home through Montana,
- There are no prefabricated threats that will prevent my children from speaking their minds, and
- Chocolate-infused Benadryl is another brilliant idea.