Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Whine Fest

I don’t mean to complain, but my son is a whiner.

And I don’t mean a part-time, occasional, periodic bellyacher, I mean a chronic, unceasing, will-you-please-lock-yourself-in-your-bedroom-until-the-end-of-this-millennium sourpuss.

He’s not the only one. Whining is highly contagious in our house, and when one child starts, it sparks a Whine Fest. I have literally run away from my whiny brood, contorting my face to mimic their nasty complaints as they trail behind, the decibels increasing the further ahead of them I get. You’d think only dolphins or humpback whales would be able to hear them.

My favorite of their complaints include:
  • You must hate me to make me do chores.
  • You’re the worst mom I’ve ever had.
  • Why are you always bossing me around?
  • If you really loved me you’d let me eat more marshmallows.
  • You’re the only mom in the world that makes her kids do X.
  • I want another mom. A nice one this time.
But I do what any good parent does when their children complain. I ignore them. Sometimes I pretend like I can’t hear—I point at my ears, shake my head and then shrug my shoulders.

I blame some of my bad parenting tactics on the fact that I’m the only adult in the house. And being a freelance writer, I can go days without any adult interaction.

Things get ugly when you’re outnumbered by three children. I can spar with the best of them. Of course, I sound like a six-year old myself when doing it. I say things like, “No, YOU!” and “Whatever!”

This past week I tried to take a more enlightened approach. In my efforts to better apply the Law of Attraction I’ve been trying to vibrate at a higher frequency. The better the emotion the higher the vibration.

So when Sport began complaining on Friday I said, “You’re vibrating at a very low frequency, Mister!” You can imagine he changed his attitude immediately. Okay, so that’s not true. He looked at me like I’d sprouted a second head.

No matter. At least I know that as a seasoned whiner he has a solid career ahead of him.

He could offer political commentary.

Or maybe become a blogger, like his mama.


Mrs. Smith said...

Oh my, I hate the whining. Unfortunately, they only get better at it. My teenagers (13 and 17) are my biggest whiners.

shawn said...

Let see ... in my house, I have a 14 year old who is grounded for two weeks and is very very very unhappy about it ... a 12 year old who has been unbelievably cranky with EVERYONE lately, but is is remarkably NEVER her fault ... and a 9 year old who has a perpetual pouting bottom lip and who regards EVERYONE as a "Butt!"

Ah !!! The joys of parenting ...

remember shauna - you are not alone ... we're ALL in it together ... savour the moments when they're being cherubs - it helps you endure the other less angelic moments!!

(There is a reason why I still check on my kids after they've gone to bed ... seeing even the big burly 14 year old boy sleeping like an angel makes his temper tantrums bearable!!)

Hang in there, and thanks for the laugh !!!
You remain - THE BEST !!!

Tola said...

"would you like some cheese and crackers to go with your whine?"

Anonymous said...

I hate to tell you this, but it gets worse when they are teens. I bought a flip video for my 13 year old for Christmas and I pull it out and tape them. They hate that and stop immediately. I find them trying to find it to delete it. Silly teens, who would I show? Yet, they are very concerned about "being caught on tape" or having it played back to them, when they are acting more reasonably. Sure won't win me any Mother of the Year Awards, but I'll do what works.

From one mom to another, I offer a big hug. Thank you for making me laugh today. Your writing always makes me laugh!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

"You're vibrating at a very low frequency, Mister." Love that.

Am I doing okay? said...

I'm stealing the "low frequency" line. I'll let you know how it works. I guess I'd suggest pointing out the rare moments when they vibrate on "high". I try to reward good behavior vs. punish bad. Less work for me, now that I think about it.

Melodrama Mama said...

It is our job and perogative to be the meanest Mom possible. We have earned this right by birthing babies. And if we happen to sink to the immature level of our children at times - hopefully they won't remember it when they are older!

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