It was the pipe. And this is what happened.
I was taking Leah and Zack upstairs for naps when I heard what sounded like a fan. A hissing fan. A hissing fan with a bad case of rabies.
I looked at the wall curiously for approximately 5 seconds before I realized what was going on. That’s when I freaked. out.
I can’t remember where I went first. To the garage where I could access the pipes and see the water flow? To the basement where I knew the water main shut-off was? Or upstairs to puzzle over which toiletry appliance was causing me grief? And this is when I started to swear. Sorry, gentle readers. I know you expect more from me. But I said the “S” word (if my kids were reading this they would say, “You said ‘stupid’?” Unfortunately, no. That’s not what I said). I said the OTHER “S” word. over. and. over. again. So really it sounded like I was saying “Sh-h-h-h-h-h-h…” [Aside: In case anyone has been performing research on whether or not swearing helps in stressful situations, I’m here to report. No. It does not. I will, however, have to explain why my youngest child shares this new word in primary on Sunday, telling his teacher that it means, and I quote, “the uncontrollable flow of water under the stairs in our house”.]
Back to the broken pipe.
I was finally able to turn off the water main and ponder this unpleasant situation. I thought, This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But then I thought again, That camel’s back broke three straws ago. This is the fanny-pack full of quarters that killed the damn camel. Again, gentle readers, I apologize. But really, who needs a camel anyway?
My friend from church told me to pray for help. I told her I didn’t believe I qualified for divine intervention unless and until I repented for all that swearing. Or maybe that’s what she wanted me to pray about. (Now I have to call her back to find out.)
So the pipe has been patched. And I've called a plumber. And every moment since I've been begging forgiveness. –That and expressing thanks that the ex is not dating a model.
Because that would really suck.