Friday, January 25, 2008

The Camel Is Dead

It was the pipe. And this is what happened.

I was taking Leah and Zack upstairs for naps when I heard what sounded like a fan. A hissing fan. A hissing fan with a bad case of rabies.

I looked at the wall curiously for approximately 5 seconds before I realized what was going on. That’s when I freaked. out.

I can’t remember where I went first. To the garage where I could access the pipes and see the water flow? To the basement where I knew the water main shut-off was? Or upstairs to puzzle over which toiletry appliance was causing me grief? And this is when I started to swear. Sorry, gentle readers. I know you expect more from me. But I said the “S” word (if my kids were reading this they would say, “You said ‘stupid’?” Unfortunately, no. That’s not what I said). I said the OTHER “S” word. over. and. over. again. So really it sounded like I was saying “Sh-h-h-h-h-h-h…” [Aside: In case anyone has been performing research on whether or not swearing helps in stressful situations, I’m here to report. No. It does not. I will, however, have to explain why my youngest child shares this new word in primary on Sunday, telling his teacher that it means, and I quote, “the uncontrollable flow of water under the stairs in our house”.]

Back to the broken pipe.

I was finally able to turn off the water main and ponder this unpleasant situation. I thought, This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But then I thought again, That camel’s back broke three straws ago. This is the fanny-pack full of quarters that killed the damn camel. Again, gentle readers, I apologize. But really, who needs a camel anyway?

My friend from church told me to pray for help. I told her I didn’t believe I qualified for divine intervention unless and until I repented for all that swearing. Or maybe that’s what she wanted me to pray about. (Now I have to call her back to find out.)

So the pipe has been patched. And I've called a plumber. And every moment since I've been begging forgiveness. –That and expressing thanks that the ex is not dating a model.

Because that would really suck.

30 comments:

Gustogirl said...

That is horrible. I had a pipe burst about a year ago now and it was just awful!! My hub was out of town and it happened in the middle of the night. I awoke to the sound of gushing water. I am such a dork, I thought the "water bandits" must have broken in my house and they turned on the water just to mess with me. No, no intruder, just a soggy bathroom! Hope the damage isn't too extensive!

Tola said...

every year for Lent, i give up swearing. and im not even Catholic. and it lasts about 40 days and then im back to my regular self. that particular word is my favourite. and yes, J Golden Kimball is da MAN!!!

Janice said...

So not a fun time, sorry.

As for the swearing, My thing is 'Oh bloody Hell' and now the two year old is sayinh 'Oh bloody hell'. Oops

Mommy of the year right here folks, thanks for sharing.

shawn said...

Shauna ... I won't even TRY to begin to describe the potty mouth phraseology I am capable of ... swearing is a great stress release ... God understands - it's those who want God's job that have a problem with it ...

One year after our Church fire I stood before our community of faith and said - "It's been a helluva year ..." Only one person expressed concern - the rest felt it was a good summary of the preceding twelve months ...

I try to NOT swear, but it sounds insincere ... Let it Roll Girl - let it roll ... f

Candygirlflies said...

And Shawn will tell you, I taught him most of the curse words he knows... I'm a big believer in letting off a little steam every now and then. And I've told my kids that when THEY have degrees in the English Language, then THEY will be allowed to choose whether or not they use such words. Until then, I'm the only Resident Expert.

That oughta buy me a few more years (haha... NOT).

B*gger about the pipe... I'm sorry, friend. You SO didn't need that this week.

Thinking of you--

xo CGF

Melodrama Mama said...

Okay - I linked to your sight from pinksandblues and your writing is hilarious! Sorry about the water drama! H2O leakage is the WORST!

JaniceNW said...

Girl. You deserve a week in an exclusive spa in a warm climate being waited on hand and foot. I'm sorry I am not idenpendently weathly and can't provide that week for you.

It will be fixed and the camel shall be buried. Maybe a cake for his early demise?

Kristi O said...

oh my gosh. I called my mom today and told me that my life sucked so bad and she was paying for me to go on vacation. do you want me to call your mom and tell her the same or do you just want to come along with us?

Carrie Wilson Link said...

I personally choose to believe God LOVES the appropriate use of swear words, and that, my dear, was APPROPRIATE, not to mention ACCURATE!

F'ing camels!

Karen (Pediascribe) said...

I can't stand when any water flows where it isn't supposed to. I probably would have had the same verbal reaction.
Hope it gets fixed up for good!!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Shauna,

Would you please e-mail me at fullycaffeinated@comcast.net? I want to ask you something, and just need your e-mail address.

Thanks!
Carrie

Becky said...

oh broken pipes....no fun.

I hate the split second moment when you STOP and listen because you hear something hisssing....and then realize...."oh...crap....it's water!!!!"

Been there.....no fun. so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Shauna, i'm so sorry about your pipe! I hope that things are looking brighter today. Your post was hilarious. I think lots of us feel like our camel is dead. Do we get a new one do you think?

M

Kapuananiokalaniakea said...

Met you over at Carrie's. Glad I found you.

FUNNY! Gave me the laugh I needed.

My pipe broke when I was out of town. First home maintenance issue of my life as a single mother. Newly divorced me came home to a hole in the ceiling and water all over the living room floor. This killed my camel, who was barely surviving in a full body cast from the previous overflowing loads of straws. Home maintenance had not been my "job". But I managed to get it all figured out, worked with the insurance guy, hired a nice plumber and a ceiling guy and got it all fixed. After that, all I had to worry about was the medical bill from the sprained shoulder I gave myself from contorting my arm to pat myself on the back.

RachelT said...

Oh no!! I was so hoping that it wasn't that. Home repairs are brutal!! I am sorry and I agree.. that camel's back was SOOO broken three straws ago!!

Anonymous said...

So the post was hilarious...although it totally sucks that your pipe broke. I have to admit that a life-time as a renter I have not had to worry about that quite yet. I choose the top floor for a reason. Also, I love the comments of your readers! I laughed so hard. They are almost as funny as you. But seriously, let me know if you need anything at all. I love ya sis, jen

jen said...

Hey shauna, I started a post today, check it out...thatsmerx.blogspot.com

shauna said...

You guys rock my blog!

Kristi O, I totally want to tag along on your big trip, but you two deserve a nice break together.

Shawn, the Prairie Preacher swears? I'm already feeling better. :)

Kapuananiokalaniakea, you win! That story beats mine, hands down. Luckily your insurance paid for it. I just wish you could have cried on my shoulder when it happened--because your camel's death was worse than mine.

candygirlflies, I'm going to remember that. My English degree might be worth something yet.

Carrie, you made me laugh. Out loud.

And for all of you who sympathized with my plight--I heart you!

Go visit my baby sis's blog "That's Me!" She's fabulous!

http://thatsmerx.blogspot.com

Erin said...

That is the ONE (and only) good thing about renting. Sorry, that sucks! Hope it is a quick and easy (and cheap) fix.

zellmer said...

One of the few phrases in my 21-month-old daughter's repertoire is "God damn it." Is that bad?

Ophelia said...

Not of your a Zen Bootist Priest.

Eileen said...

Oh, Shauna, I am so sorry! I don't know what I would do in that situation. Once my hot water heater started hissing and spewing spits of water, but nothing like a broken pipe. Good thing you knew how to turn off the water main! I hope the damage was not too bad and I hope insurance will cover it totally. I think if ruined all your furniture too, so that should be covered as well. Oh yeah, and your big screen tv, and your brand new computer, and.....kidding.

When are you going on a vacation? Seriously, you need to go spend some time away, just to get away. Start having some serious talks with your mom and sister. Ever a 3 day weekend can re-engergize!

XOXOXO

Melodrama Mama said...

“the uncontrollable flow of water under the stairs in our house” ? That is hillarious! How old is your youngest? And is that how you defined the 's' word?

Eileen said...

Shauna,
Please give me a bit of your wisdom on a post I wrote today. It is not sitting well with me. Would love your input.
XOXO

jason said...

I just think that Shauna can't get any tougher and then this happens. YOU WIN THE "SUPER MOM OF THE YEAR AWARD"!!

Spammon said...

I was waiting for the part where you find a huge puddle of water in the basement and your kids are swimming around in it thanking you for brining Raging Water home.

Karen said...

No way to offend and no need to apologize on this end. No phony bliss either. Life is real, my friend, as you know too well and you are overdue for the other kind of break. The good kind from kind people.

Anonymous said...

I will remain anonymous.

I have been enjoying some of your blogs. You are such a talented writer and they are so much fun to read.

I just wanted to let you know that I admire you for making the very hard decision to divorce your husband and for knowing that it absolutely was the right thing to do. I know that it was the toughest decision you will ever have to make. I promise you that your children will be just fine because you love them so very much. And you will be just fine also. I promise.

I have been married a long time and have children and now grandchildren. I have known for a very long time that I made the wrong decision to marry the man that has been my husband for all these many years. He is mostly a good man and would have been a good husband to the right woman, that right woman just wasn't me. I did not divorce him for many reasons, but most of them had to do with the fact that I was scared to face the world as a single mom and what that would entail. It had to take a lot of guts, prayer and honesty to make the decision you made.

I wish you all the good things that life has to offer. Kiss the kids often and tell them you love them. Being a mom is truly the most wonderful and important job in the whole world.

Good luck to you. Hang in there!

shawn said...

Oh Shauna I can swear with the best of them ... I KNEW all the words long before my path intermingled with Candygirlflies ... I think God has bigger things to worry about than a little well placed cussing ...

I wanted to do a paper in Seminary on the Theological background of swearing ... my goal was to say that most swearing is just words ... didn't fly with prof so I abandoned it ...

shauna said...

Eileen, you always make me feel better.

Jason, Is the nomination biased if your brother is the one who awards it. Thanks, bro!

Spammon, I really have to come back with a part II to this post, because luckily there were no raging waters in my house. Ahtough THAT would have been a much more interesting end to this story...

Karen, your comments (and posts on your blog) are always so thoughtful and thought-provoking.

Anonymous, thanks so much for such an honest and heart-felt comment. We all make the best choices we can given our personal circumstances and our understanding of them. So I think you made the best choice you were able. I still question mine now and again (at least when my life butts up against the consequences). Thanks so much for your vote of support--I treasure it.