Thursday, November 15, 2007

What I Know for Sure

(I know, I stole it from Oprah, but the woman’s too busy getting pedicures with hundred dollar bills rolled between her toes to sue lil ole me – so I’m gonna run with it. Love ya, Oprah. And should you ever want to run a show about poor bloggers trying to become multi-millionaires on nothing but poopy posts, I’m here for you.)

While at BYU-Hawaii a kazillion years ago I attended a devotional that changed my life (unfortunately, the same portion of my brain that remembers the devotional can’t remember the person who delivered it. Sorry.). The speaker said, “Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s right, and just because it’s right doesn’t mean it feels good.” I’m certain he used an example of making out in the back seat of a car. Feels good, not so right. You get the gist.

At the time I was engaged to a great guy, one who treated me very well. I loved him and was caught up in everything that was Wedding (there was a $200 deposit on the dress and a luau with a dozen pigs in the works). And then I went to that stinkin’ devotional.

For weeks I hadn’t felt quite right about our engagement. I may have loved him, but there was something about our plans that didn’t sit well with me. Every night I would pray for the anxiety to disappear, but that only seemed to worsen it. So when I heard those words at that devotional given by Anonymous, I knew I had to break things off.

Not only did I break off the engagement (I’ll spare you the heart-wrenching details), but I decided to serve a mission for my church, proving the following algorithm to be completely true for me:

Engagement/Love/Marriage/General Swooning: felt good, wasn’t “right.”

Serving a mission in Japan for 18 months: didn’t always feel so good, was "right.”
While that was the hardest thing I’d ever done up to that point in my life, I still know I made the right choice. And acting on what I knew to be right, regardless of how difficult it was, was a defining moment for me. I became a stronger person because of it (a stronger person who no longer speaks Japanese, so don’t ask).

So here I am, years after the fact, dragging through the days and reminding myself that while divorce may be the “right” thing for me now, it sure as hell doesn’t feel good.

Thankfully I believe there's always a time when things will feel both good and right.

At least that's what I'm telling myself today...

11 comments:

Annie said...

You know that line 'what's right doesn't always feel good' hits something on the head for me right now that I've been struggling with for a while! THANK YOU!

I wish you an abundance of things in your life to come, that feel good and right.

LikeAstaR said...

It is amazing how the Lord puts certain words and phrases in our way. Or how the Sprirt can hit your heart in just the right moment. After reading this post, you cannot doubt the hand of the Lord in your life. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding me, Shauna, I needed it. Mary

Kristi O said...

Man, hard lessons I tell ya. My husband is learning that situations may be uncomfortable but not dangerous, different but the same as what you said. My new quote on my desk reads "When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, then you will be ready to change." I know your pain is different now that you are divorced than when you were married, I trust God to show you that it was worth it and will be better in the end. Although at times I am sick of looking at all the band aids and wished for a life pain free, I don't read that anywhere as a promise. :)

shauna said...

Kristi -- So true! It can be difficult to realize that learning and growing require pain. It would be nice to stay put and avoid it altogether, but I guess that just means you don't learn and grow (and I'm sure that place has its own brand of pain as well). Just this week I realized how grateful I am to have learned what I have from these difficulties--I really needed the lesson. I think I could have learned the lesson earlier but I just wasn't ready yet.

Eileen said...

Beautiful Shauna! What a perfect reminder to us all, as it is so very true. I should print this saying out and leave it where I can see it every single day.
Life's lessons are so difficult, but they do make us grow and grow stronger. That is not a cliche.
You are on the path to peace, love and brighter days. That I know for sure.
XOXOX

Erin said...

I can't even imagine how hard both of those situations would be. You made it through the first one with lots of help from friends and the Lord, I am sure, and that's how you'll make it through this one. Isn't there some quote somewhere-God tries those he loves--or something like that.

On a side note, I wouldn't know about the backseat of a car...

Karen said...

What I know for sure? That I don't know. And then begins a life of faith, as yours.

Tola said...

hi Shauna, this is Carmel, your old roommate at BYUH. please send me an email at tola(dot)faery(at)gmail(dot)com please. love you LOTS!!!!

Becky said...

Your thoughts are so thought provoking....just want you to know I am still reading (just don't always make it to the comments section)....and thinking of you!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

slackermommy said...

Great post. I'm going through similar feelings by cutting ties forever with my parents. It's the right thing to do but feels terrible.