Tuesday, August 21, 2007

First Day Faux Pas

Remember me? I’m the proud mama prude trying to keep her daughter modestly dressed at all costs. Well, I have a confession to make. I sent my daughter to school in hoochie-wear. On her first day of kindergarten.

I know. It’s shameful. I should be banished to live on the Island of Misfit Mothers where I can mingle with Dina Lohan. But in my defense, it was an accidental, completely unintended protistot ensemble. And there’s a moral to this story, so pay attention.

I bought Leah this cute little dress at Walmart for just six dollars. It was one of those belted shirt dresses reminiscent of the 1960’s. Simply adorable. In addition to that dress I also bought knee-high tights. It’s Idaho Falls and not only are tights practical, but there’s nothing cuter than a little girl in a dress with knit tights.

And that was the outfit Leah chose to wear the first day of school. And it wasn’t until we were ready to leave that I realized the tights were not quite as high as I expected while the dress wasn’t quite as long as I expected. There, in my livingroom, Leah was channeling Britney Spears, circa “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” But we were running late and the first day of kindergarten was only an hour; I decided to overlook the hoochie-wear today and swear never to let her leave the house like this again.

The entire hour of that first day of kindergarten Britney whispered in my ear, “Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know, there wasn’t something right here.” Oh, Britney, baby, you got that right. For those agonizing 60 minutes, Leah sat on her heels with her legs splayed, showing off her Dora panties. Asking questions. Providing insight. over. and. over. and. over. “When’s recess?” “I’m not five yet.” “Will I paint today?” “My name’s Leah.” Rocking back on her heels as if to say, “My mommy dresses me inappropriately EVERY DAY.”

When it was all said and done my daughter professed she hadn't learned anything new in kindergarten that day. Her mother did.

  1. Girls should always wear shorts under dresses, no matter how long or short they may be. And,

  2. The outfit your child wears the first day of school should a) be modeled BEFORE the first day of school and b) never remind you of Britney Spears.

19 comments:

JaniceNW said...

Haha. I could not help but laugh. Maybe because I have boys. Shorts are a good idea!

Rachel said...

“My mommy dresses me inappropriately EVERY DAY.”

That line totally cracked me up!!!

My mini Britney is only two right now, but at the rate that her father is buying her turtlenecks now, I know I won't even get a chance to make that mistake.

Mrs. Smith said...

I had a friend who's husband had to dress their second grader for school while she was in the hospital. My friend was released and got home around lunchtime. Just in time to receive a phone call from the school's front office asking if she realized her daughter was at school wearing a shirt and a belt!

Thanks for the laugh, and never give up the fight against hoochie wear!

Annie said...

At least you'll never forget her first day at Kindergarten.

What is with all the hoochie wear in the stores anyway - I hate it, too.

Mama Zen said...

I love this! Nodding and laughing all the way through!

Candygirlflies said...

Ooh, the hoochie wear... I am WAY too familiar with this crisis!! My middle child (age 6) loves nothing better than to wear tank tops and her favourite skirts (which she outgrew about two years ago) EVERY. DAY. EVEN. IN. WINTER.

I put my foot down hard when the cold weather arrived last year, and said that she could ONLY dress like that at home, when no one was visiting... In the spring, she discovered hanging-upside-down-on-the-monkey-bars, and I discovered... (drum roll, please...) SKIRTS WITH SHORTS ATTACHED UNDERNEATH!! Yes, you actually CAN buy them this way!! And now nobody can claim to have innocently "forgotten" to put them on before they hit the public playground!!

Ah, the joys of having daughters... and they haven't even hit puberty yet! I'm scared, how 'bout you?!

Gustogirl said...

Funny, funny. "How could you be such a horrible mom? Don't you pay attention to what your child puts on? You probably don't even care about her. You are probably a hoochie yourself, which is why you dress your daughter this way." Guaranteed there wasn't one person at school who thought any of these nasty things that I just wrote. You are extra conscientious about modesty which is why you felt so bad, but trust me when I say while you saw Britney Spears, everybody else saw a darling little girl having fun at Kindergarten. Thanks for the laugh though! I'm such a prude, I made my daughter put on a white T-shirt underneath her sleeveless flower girl dress over the weekend!

Becky said...

Oh Shauna,

I am going to remember this one when little Josie goes off to Kindergarten...oh, boy that day will come fast.

And as a teacher, rest assured....I have seen worse...way worse.

LikeAstaR said...

My sister always insists on sleeves for her little girl and has since the day she was born. They are never too young. You rpost was hilarious! I am glad I have a boy.

Mama Zen said...

Tag!

Jenna said...

Rocking back on her heels as if to say, “My mommy dresses me inappropriately EVERY DAY.”

I laughed out loud. That's classic. And yes, I always had to model my outfit for the first day (or week!) on the night before school. Of course, we never noticed that they were HORRIBLY OUT OF FASHION but, ya know, I've never been in fashion so that's neither here nor there.

rhondabarnes said...

Sooooooooooooo Funnny!! I remember when I put shorts on my girls under their shirts because the boys would lift them up. Heck I remember when I put on shorts when I was a kids under my dresses. Those boys always trying to lift up our skirts or playing sports didn't help. But no matter how you fix up your children going off to school...they get their cloths twisted or the skirts can fall down. You just do your best and I am sure no one else thought of Britney Spears that day!! Love Mom

my minivan is faster than yours said...

OMG! What are we going to do when they start having strong opinions of their own! My 2 yo daughter ALREADY has strong opinions on what she wears. But right now her opinions are limited to the fact she wants to wear anything BUT the outfit I picked out for her!

This was very funny by the way :)

shauna said...

janicenw and likeastar, Boys are so much easier to dress. Not easier to keep clean, but easier to dress.

candygirlflies, I'll have to keep my eye out for those skirts with shorts attached. Oh, and I must say, I'm very afraid...

mrs. smith, oh, now that's blog-worthy! Actually getting called to school for your second-grader's outfit.

Becky, Thank you. You made me feel better. :)

Jenna, that was me, horribly out of fashion (there was no threat of me rivaling Britney in hoochie-ness).

Mom, I so remember the shorts under the skirts. How did I manage to forget that on Leah's first day of kindergarten?

rachel and mymini, these little girls can be fashionistas. My little girl thinks she is anyway (she's always saying, "Mom, let's play "fashion." Does she realize who she's talking to?). Heaven help us all...

CM said...

Hey! I just came across your site! This post is too too funny! I am trying to keep my first grader from being a six year old hoochie as well. So far I'm winning but I not sure for how long! Great writing! I look forward to reading more of your blog!

Pinks & Blues Girls said...

Well, at least it wasn't an important day, like the first day of kindergarten or something.

Oh wait. :)

Hey, we all have to eat a little crow sometimes, right!?

Love this post!

Jane, P&B Girls

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Oh that's just hilarious!

suburbancorrespondent said...

My teenage daughter is allowed to wear absolutely anything she wants...in her room.

Kelly Malloy said...

Too funny! Makes me so glad I have boys!