Remember me? I’m the proud mama prude trying to keep her daughter modestly dressed at all costs. Well, I have a confession to make. I sent my daughter to school in hoochie-wear. On her first day of kindergarten.
I know. It’s shameful. I should be banished to live on the Island of Misfit Mothers where I can mingle with Dina Lohan. But in my defense, it was an accidental, completely unintended protistot ensemble. And there’s a moral to this story, so pay attention.
I bought Leah this cute little dress at Walmart for just six dollars. It was one of those belted shirt dresses reminiscent of the 1960’s. Simply adorable. In addition to that dress I also bought knee-high tights. It’s Idaho Falls and not only are tights practical, but there’s nothing cuter than a little girl in a dress with knit tights.
And that was the outfit Leah chose to wear the first day of school. And it wasn’t until we were ready to leave that I realized the tights were not quite as high as I expected while the dress wasn’t quite as long as I expected. There, in my livingroom, Leah was channeling Britney Spears, circa “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” But we were running late and the first day of kindergarten was only an hour; I decided to overlook the hoochie-wear today and swear never to let her leave the house like this again.
The entire hour of that first day of kindergarten Britney whispered in my ear, “Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know, there wasn’t something right here.” Oh, Britney, baby, you got that right. For those agonizing 60 minutes, Leah sat on her heels with her legs splayed, showing off her Dora panties. Asking questions. Providing insight. over. and. over. and. over. “When’s recess?” “I’m not five yet.” “Will I paint today?” “My name’s Leah.” Rocking back on her heels as if to say, “My mommy dresses me inappropriately EVERY DAY.”
When it was all said and done my daughter professed she hadn't learned anything new in kindergarten that day. Her mother did.
- Girls should always wear shorts under dresses, no matter how long or short they may be. And,
- The outfit your child wears the first day of school should a) be modeled BEFORE the first day of school and b) never remind you of Britney Spears.