This is a delicate issue, and until now I’ve been afraid to address it. My beautiful, 4-year old daughter has chronic plumber’s crack. Little Miss Leah with the long blonde hair, the dimple in her right check, and the mischievous grin either has a crack as long as the Eastern Peninsula or inverted hips, I’m not sure which. Regardless of the cause (and the size of her pants) she flashes the top of her bum just about everywhere she goes. Just yesterday, while at Kaleb’s kindergarten performance of “Jack in the Beanstalk: the Musical” (that’s right, there’s a musical) Leah’s 85-year old great uncle had to hitch up her pants to cover the crack. Oh, the horror!
The truth is, plumber’s crack is plumber’s crack, whether you’re a licensed Roter Rooter man or an adorable preschooler, it’s just not attractive. And so far we’ve tried everything imaginable to remedy the problem. We’ve a tried a belt, and within minutes her pants are synched further down on her hips, creating bum cleavage. We’ve tried smaller pants, but then she’s wearing gauchos. And regardless of how many times I ask her to pull her pants up, or manually hitch them up myself, she leaves behind (haha—I said behind) countless half moons. So much for modesty.
I worry about her kindergarten debut. How often will her teacher ask her to pull up her pretty little pants? And you know how those kinds of things stick with you. I graduated with this kid from high school who threw up way back in the third grade. Do I remember his name? Nope. Just the fact that he threw up one desk behind me, and when the janitor came to clean it up he sprinkled sawdust all over it.
So I’ve become uber-paranoid, wondering if there’s some way I can keep her pants up when she’s not in my direct company. Any ideas? (And please don't suggest suspenders...) Sheesh, they can send a guy to the moon…