Thursday, April 07, 2005

Why Our Library Books Are Always Late

This is certified information, I'm sure. If you called the FBI, they would deny it; but I know the truth. A small percentage of American Fork City Library books are gremlins.

I know, I know - you think I'm making excuses. I've had my fair share of overdue books. But check my record - it's only happened at American Fork. Okay, well maybe there was that one overdue book while I was at BYU. Okay, so maybe an overdue book or two in Provo. But statistically speaking that's nothing compared to how many late books I've returned to the AF library.

Some may say it's because I never had children before moving to American Fork three and a half years ago. Kids put a strain on your organizational skills, they lift books, drop them in odd places, some kids might eat a book if given enough time. Not my kids. Angels, all three.

Now I've never seen a library book actually morph into a gremlin, but I have my proof. Because of my record some might assume me library-uncivilized, be we actually have a library system at our house and it all depends on The Library Bag. We take books home from the library in The Bag, we store them in The Bag, and we take them back to the library in The Bag. They are safe in The Bag, that is, unless a book escapes on its own. Because, really, how else could it happen?

I've found stray library books in our own bookcase, under the couch, in the closet hidden under old coats, wedged between the dress-up box and the wall, and next to old string cheese under Kaleb and Leah's bunk bed. Obviously this is the work of the library book gremlins.

As a result of the meddling book gremlins, it takes us awhile to gather all our books and return them to The Bag so that we can return them to the library before they are due. Sometimes all our books are late by a day or two. Sometimes we think we've returned all of them only to get the friendly notice in the mail, telling us which one is missing and how much the gremlin has cost us. But we keep going back and loading up The Bag because we love books, with or without gremlins.

Unfortunately one of those books has never been found, and I believe it lives in our dryer and eat socks. At night it roams the house, hiding my car keys and the remote control.

Now do you really need any more proof than that?

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